Viking Man used to have me play this game in which I would pick my favorite body part on myself and explain why it was my favorite. He used to have me do this whenever I became really depressed (which happened a lot before I had kids). It may sound like a strange game, but unless you have suffered from low self-esteem, you have no idea how empowering this game really was.
Through this game, I was forced to look at myself in a good way. I had to observe my body and instead of my usual nit picking, I had to actually look and find something that I really did like about myself.
Slowly, this helped me build up my confidence and feelings of self-worth.
I haven't had to play this game for quite a while, until this week. This week the kids and I all came down with pink eye. My eyes swelled up so big that my mother lovingly referred to me as Egor; you know, the guy from Young Frankenstein? It was bad. To be honest, I haven't felt this ugly in a very long time.
During all of this, I remembered the little game Viking Man and I used to play. I decided to play it again to give me a little encouragement. This is what I came up with:
Today I love my lips. They're fairly far away from my eyes, so that's a plus. They're also fun, pretty, and always a decent enough shade that I never really have to worry about wearing lipstick or gloss. They're natural and fit my personality. With them I can express my love for my husband, give my kids a loving smile, and also express how I feel. They're playful, they're unique, and they are a part of me.
I still felt kind of gross, but playing the game really helped me to focus on a good quality I have instead of my current bad quality.
Discovering the things that make us beautiful, whether they be external or internal, are some of the many steps we have to take to discover the goddess within ourselves. Some of us have to search long and hard for her. Sometimes she is hiding because of years of abuse and neglect, but she is in there.
From my own experiences in trying to find the goddess within me, I have noticed that this is probably going to be a lifelong endeavor for me. But that's okay. Just knowing that I actually do love myself is half the battle.
To be honest, I'm not doing this entirely for myself. I'm also doing this for my daughter, my husband, and my son.
My daughter needs to know that women are strong, and fierce, and powerful. She needs to know how empowering it is to be a woman. She needs to know that she is a goddess, just like her mother. She needs that example in her life, and I intend on being that example for her.
My husband needs a lover who loves herself. If I don't love myself, I'm never going to be able to fully love him. My husband needs a lover who is confident, fierce, and knows that she is his queen. My husband needs to know that I am strong like the goddess, but also soft and loving like the goddess.
My son needs to know that women are strong, fierce, and powerful. He needs to know that they are not to be controlled, but to be loved and supported. He needs to know that a woman deserves respect and to be treated like the goddess that she is. My son needs to know that women are soft and loving, but also incredibly powerful.
I'm still working on discovering my inner goddess, but I know now that she exists. When I feed and care for my inner goddess, she empowers me, strengthens me, encourages me, and loves me. I am working on caring for her, and she at the same time is working on caring for me.
|This is me finally beginning to heal from pink eye. I'm starting to feel like my lovely self again, but for now, I'm just going to admire my lips.|